What's new in my life?

Well, Groundhog Day came and went, and the boxes were brought down from the attic, but the Christmas tree wasn't taken down.  It'll get there.  I have more important things to worry about.  Today I'm trying not to freak out by telling myself that it IS possible to get all my application stuff done before I go on a campus visit Feb 17-19.  I went to the post office and mailed forms to people who need them, so now I just need to finish filling out my own forms and write (or finish writing) my stupid essay.  Hopefully, it'll actually be a good essay rather than a stupid one.

I watched bits of the Super Bowl with little to no actual interest.  My mom asked who was playing, and I told her it was the New York Giants vs. the New England Patriots.  She decided to root for the Patriots because it "seemed patriotic."  "Right," I said. "Plus, Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani are from New York.  "Good point," she said.  "Patriots it is."  Unfortunately, they lost. 

My sister left today.  She'll fly to Thailand tomorrow (or at least start flying--I'm not really clear on what day she'll arrive because of time zones and travel time), and she'll be gone for like 4 months.

People keep asking how my dad's doing.  I don't really know what to say.  Some days are okay, and some days are terrible, and some days are in between.  And then there are people who ask just out of general interest in my family, without knowing that he's sick, and that's way awkward. 

The fog here has been intense.  I drive down the road blindly trusting that the road in front of me still EXISTS, since I can't verify its existence visually.  It's like my life.  I can only see very limited distances in front of me.  I know that I'll go to work this afternoon.  I know tomorrow is my day off and I should spend it working on my essay and possibly boxing up some ornaments.  I also know it's Super Tuesday (a day infinitely more interesting to me than Super Bowl Sunday), so I need to go vote, and I will probably spend more time checking on the election results than doing anything productive.  Beyond the immediate future, it's all a little blurry.  I trust that life will be there, but I don't know what it looks like. 

I keep waiting for the giant announcer guy to say, "We now return you to your regularly scheduled life." 

honestly, people

A few days ago, I said something to the effect of "If I read one more editorial telling me I'm a sexist or a bad feminist because I don't like Hillary Clinton, I'm going to punch myself in the face."

Well, I guess I should punch myself in the face..... twice.  I really shouldn't make statements like that.  Today the Chicago Tribune (we get the Trib as well as the local paper) runs not one, but two pieces about how if you don't like Hillary it's because you're sexist or at least brainwashed by a sexist culture.  At least they pacified me by endorsing my buddy Barack a couple pages later.

One of the articles was about how young women today have never faced overt sexism because we've been in a sheltered school environment, so we don't understand why it's important to support Hillary.  Um..... sorry.  I went to Lutheran school, so I'm pretty sure I wasn't sheltered from sexism.  God made Adam, but Adam needed someone to do his cooking and cleaning and have babies for him, so God made Eve.  I'm pretty sure that's how the story went.  And I'm pretty sure a lot of the Lutheran school moms looked down on my mom for being a "career woman" and  therefore dooming her children to being hopeless drug addicts..... yup, that's me.   Anyway, the point is that I'm familiar with sexism.

I would argue that the reason Hillary is more popular with older women voters than with people my age is that older Democrats have some sort of nostalgia for the Clinton years.  My generation, on the other hand?  All we remember about the Clinton years can be summed up in two words: Monica Lewinsky.

The Hillary crowd keeps arguing that she's getting a tougher break because she's a woman.  They say people don't bother getting to know her policy ideas--they just dismiss her because she's female.  Really, Hillary?  Then why were all the polls showing you as a frontrunner months ago (before the debates) and then you fell behind when people got to know more about you and your ideas?  Did you ever stop and think that maybe the country is perfectly ready for a woman president--but they just don't want Hillary?

And another thing:  I don't see how President Hillary would be such a great triumph for women everywhere.  Why does she even have name recognition?  Because of her husband.  Now, I do think she is an intelligent and hardworking woman, and I can't say that she wouldn't have gained some political office without Bill.  But does anyone honestly believe she'd be in this race if she weren't a Clinton?  I don't.  And I don't want our first woman president to be someone who married her way to the top.  I would actually have a lot more respect for her if she'd dumped him back in 1997.  But no, she stayed with him, showing a nation of young women that you should "stand by your man" even if he cheats on you and makes a public mockery of you, as long as it's politically beneficial for you to do so.  I want our first woman president (and I do believe I'll see her in my lifetime) to be someone who got there on her own merits, not by riding her husband's coattails.

I also hate how we're supposed to accept her negative campaigning because "women are judged more harshly for being aggressive."  Yeah, they are.  That's true.  A man who gets angry is "bold" and "assertive" and "forceful" while an angry woman is "bitchy."  I get that.  But honestly, I'm not sure the nation is any less freaked out by angry black men than by angry white women, so let's stop pretending that Barack's got it any easier than you. 

If you ask me, Hillary actually gains an advantage by being the female in this race.  She can "play nice" and complain about the boys picking on her, and yet she still gets to send Bill to beat them up for her.  Must be nice getting to play both sides like that.  Last time I checked, other candidate's spouses haven't been running around ripping on Hillary. 

I would love to see a woman as president someday soon.  But for now, the woman I'd most like to see in the White House is Michelle Obama.  And I just don't see how that makes me a sexist.

P.S.--My mother (you know, that "career woman" who turned me into a drug addict by not staying home with me?)  was profiled on the front page of the local paper today.  Check it out:  http://www.sj-r.com/News/stories/24192.asp

life

Wow.  I haven't updated this thing in forever.

Life moves way too fast sometimes.  Like when December disappears and suddenly your noble goals of getting school applications done by Christmas turns into "I sure hope we get the Christmas tree up by Christmas."  Seriously.  I think it was December 23rd before we even got out the tree.  So to make up for that, it's still up on Martin Luther King Day.  Deal with it.  It's..... festive.  Actually, it's driving me nuts.  It's like a constant reminder of how insane life has been lately.  But getting it put away requires at least two people, and there has been no time when two quasi-healthy people are home and awake simultaneously, so there it sits.  A lit-up, colorful, festive reminder that life is totally out of control.

Christmas itself was like the calm before the storm.  It was actually one of the most peaceful, non-stressful Christmases I can remember.  The Michigan relatives came down here instead of us going there, and I loved it.  Subtracting the seven-hour car ride crammed in with my siblings led to a total elimination of that ever-so-Christmassy desire to strangle each other with garland.  Everyone got along.  Everyone seemed to have a good time.  We took the fam to the Lincoln museum, we had a lovely Christmas dinner, the family came to my church for Christmas Eve instead of dragging me to Chatham...... it was pretty much great.  My dad wasn't feeling well, and I was getting over a bad cold myself, but other than that it was fine.

And New Year's was fun, too.  I got to go to Matt Frick's party and see wonderful people that I hadn't seen in ages, and that was great.  Then I came home and went to see Craig's band play, and learned that my brother is a rock star, which was also great.

Then it turned out that my dad's cold was really pneumonia, which was really lymphoma, and suddenly words like "oncologist" and "biopsy" and "chemotherapy" are everyday vocab, and we're buying new chairs to put in the dining room for him to sleep in because he can't breathe when he lies down, and everything is turned upside down and my school applications still aren't done, and that damn Christmas tree is just mocking me. 

Everyone says, "Let me know if there's anything I can do to help."  Actually, not everyone.  Half my friends don't even know about the whole cancer thing because it's not something that "comes up" in conversation, and I suck at keeping in touch with people who aren't in my immediate vicinity.  And some of those who do know don't even bother to acknowledge it, and that really bothers me.  But there's nothing anyone can really do to help.  The things that are making me feel crazy and overwhelmed are just things like laundry and school applications, and I don't really want anyone folding my underwear, thanks.

I had my Monday morning breakfast with Lindy today, and that was a big help.  People look at you weird if you cry at Panera, but that's their problem.  Eat your bagel and quit staring at me, guy in the corner.  Nothing to see here; move along.  Anyway, Lindy let me feel like less of a failure at HFTFN stuff, so that's good.  If we divide things up so neither of us has to feel responsible for everything, then maybe we can both function.  Functioning is good.  I just need to take one step at a time.  And I need to stop stressing myself out about stupid things.  Like, why did it bother me that I was only working 4 days this week because I had to take off work to see a doctor for allergy tests?  I don't even have bills to pay (other than car insurance, which is relatively minor).  Even my cell phone is the cheap-o prepaid kind, and I hardly use it anyway.  So why am I worried about making money?  Because I'm insane, I think.  Take a deep breath, kid.  It'll be okay.  Even if the Christmas tree stays up past Valentine's Day.

When I worked at the Olive Garden and called in sick, they demanded that I bring in a doctor's note to prove it.  You would think maybe sick people working around food would be a bad thing, but they don't seem to mind.  If you can walk, you better be at work.

Today I called in sick for the first time to the Hampton.  Their response?  "Oh, you poor thing.  Get some rest and feel better!"

It's nice to have managers who don't treat their employees like criminals or children all the time.

Thanksgiving

So I was going to write a Thanksgiving entry about all the things for which I am thankful.  Then I thought I would go look at previous years' Thanksgiving entries to see how I've changed.  Then I just got caught up in reading some very funny old entries (and also some angst-ridden ones which made me thankful to not be at Concordia anymore).  So now it's late and I'm tired and I'll skip the long semi-serious entry.  Suffice it to say that I am very blessed and thankful for all the amazing things God has done and continues to do in my life.